It’s On!!

Anger. Forgiveness. Opposite ends of the emotional spectrum.

   My terminal has over 200 employees and drivers. Our parking lot is small and people are always waiting on a spot as it’s a 24 hr operation and shifts come and go. This morning I pulled past a spot to back into a spot…upon shifting into reverse I saw a red Honda race into the spot behind me…WTF ITS ON!!­čśí I sat for a minute deciding if I could control my actions if I jumped out and yelled at this guy. I saw him climb out he briefly looked my way and averted. I knew this guy! I had talked to him before about taking my assigned company truck during my shift…TWICE. No I could not get out. My truck left a couple black strips as I gently drove to the other end of the parking lot. I could see him peering over and through the cars, yes he understood. 

   As I began work I struggled with my normal course of action, confrontation. I hate injustice and corner cutting with a passion. It’s not right especially when I’m wronged. Yet, the changes in my heart as of late picked away at that anger. Thoughts of forgiveness crept in. Then understanding. Finally compassion. This guy lives a life cutting corners, scrapping for every edge he can get. He doesn’t realize this lifestyle doesn’t get him ahead but puts him further behind. His misery is enough, and I couldn’t say or do a thing that would promote remorse. Even forgiveness would do little for his rat race. But forgiveness Would free me from bitterness’s poison. 

   Anger. Forgiveness. They are opposites but they teach the same thing. Love is supreme. 

Come out of the darkness and Love today.

-AH-

Its a new Dawn.

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Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life, and I’m feeling good..

Nina Simone- IM FEELING GOOD. <<<Video

I borrow a great line from a timeless artist, Nina Simone.(1965)

I’m quite sure these words had a completely different meaning for Nina, and I can certainly try to understand her joyous out pouring. I will never experience her trials quite as she did, yet I can most certainly appreciate her openness and celebrate her happiness found in the freedom she expresses in the lines of this song.

What I appreciate about this song most is what it means to me in my life, at this moment. Its vibrations lift me and unequivocally soar alongside my soul, celebrating freedom. Freedom of a different kind. One only I can experience as it grows in the confines of my own soul and mind.

And you, what freedoms do you seek?

Where are you held captive?

Is it perspective?

Perspective.

What a revelation! What an energy!

New perspective is illuminating, freeing as the old clothes and old person peels away as every new truth is revealed and embraced.

What truth do you seek?

What change do you want?

How are you going to get it?

What are you doing right now to change your perspective?

Do you want change?

Do you want Growth?

Level up.

Love.

Love yourself as you were created.

Different and unique.

Own it.

Love it.

Adam Houle

That Glitter

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In the middle,

between here and there.

I see a flash of glitter,

I catch a glimpse of your flare.

I press forward,

my shoes worn away.

I can see my reward,

no more delay.

will this heat burning down never end,

will the wounds on my head ever mend?

Each step is an eternity, not quite real,

and the resolve is a bandage,

that cannot heal.

I tire, I take a break,

I sit down, I shake and shake.

I tip some wine and drink some ale.

I pause, drunken and growing pale.

My vision is blurred,

but from my stupor i look again,

The glitter is afar,

father than it has ever been.

I start again,

more tired than ever.

But this time i will not stop,

until I reach that glitter.

That glitter.

oh the joy it brings

it’s a sliver,

of that which the angels sing.

oh the hope,

it does bestow.

It brings life

a fountain of joy.

Adam Houle

A look back at random thoughts

  
I visited my Blogger Blog and found this relevant gem.

Random thoughts of days.

I am Looking at the picture before me with utmost sincerity and devotion.

I am aware, as best as one could be, the story, is astounding. 
I sit as a spectator and watch the events unfold. 
The years spill out their truths, long ago suspected.  

It is a bitter-sweet reward. 

I am more astounded each and every day.

People seemed to enjoy them even though It seemed more therapeutic to ones-self reading back.

Back to therapy.

I am Looking at the picture before me with utmost sincerity and devotion. I am aware, as best as one could be, the story, is astounding. I sit as a spectator and watch the events unfold. The years spill out their truths, long ago suspected. It is a bitter-sweet reward. I am more astounded at the obvious complacency and dependence of the majority. All Industries, all religions, all governments, all advertisers, all advisers, all entertainment, and science, and medicine…ect. ect.. tell you and I how to feel, what we “should” think, and shouldn’t. Only years later to retract, resend, remove, and cover -up. The amount of information available is by far the the most that man has achieved in this generational run. Yet, why is it that we are so mis-informed, misled, misused and mistreated. The technology is in fact going to work against life. It will repress all freedoms.

If all of us are asleep…who will watch the gates? I ask the man standing near by.
“The gates have been broken down and stole away for some time now.” The man answers. 
“But i haven’t noticed them missing. There has been conspiracy stories…but.. all hogwash! We are safe in our walls.” I say.
“You cannot see the missing Gates because your eyes have been filled with illusions, magic, mantra. These pleasures and pleasantries and idols and impotent powers have misguided you.” The man replies.
“I don’t believe you!” I scream.
The man touches my eyes and says. “Open your eyes that you may see your captors as they lead you to your sleeping chambers.”
I am Looking at the picture before me with utmost sincerity and devotion.
I am aware, as best as one could be, the story, is astounding. 

I sit as a spectator and watch the events unfold. 

The years spill out their truths, long ago suspected. 

It is a bitter-sweet reward. 

I am more astounded each and every day.

I pray I stay awake, alert, and ready.

Because Who knows?

Someone may wake up. 
Adam Houle -2011

 

Love is a choice 

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´╗┐Love is a choice.

” Love is a choice. Its not something you fall for or into. Its something you choose everyday.” ~Janet Houle ~ This was my mother’s wisdom to me. 
Growing up I never saw my parents fight. Not one time. My dad was 55 and my mom 49 when they adopted me. They were of the WW2 era and I noticed the difference in them from the start. As I got older I started noticing my friend’s parents yell, scream, argue and name call in front of not only their children but me. This was foreign to me as I never saw this in my own home. 
It wasn’t till later that I learned from my older sisters that my parents were never really in-love. What?? How could this be?
My dad for instance was always such a gentleman with my mom that he would do things such as open doors. The car, the house, at the store (before auto doors) he always put her first. He went to work every day, never did he stay home sick. He consistently provided for her, and never once did I hear him complain about work. He would buy her flowers once in a while with that sheepish grin, trying to hold back his happiness. He would drive home with twinkles in his eyes. He never went out without her, or came home drunk. He never once carried an argument or called her a name. He ‘Loved'(verb) her.
Likewise my mom took the same care and showed the same respect as he. She always took care of their home, prepared meals when she got home first, otherwise he would. She was always busy in the home making sure her husband had clean clothes to wear, that he came home to a comfortable haven after a long day at work and out in our walnut groves. She respected him at home and in public places, never undermining him. Even though she was smarter than him and they both knew it. She bought him cards once in a while with witty-fun that he liked. She always let him be a man, and honored and supported him. Respectfully, she ‘loved'(verb) him.
In these moments of happiness within each other I would see them look into each others eyes, full smiles..with their partials mismatching the colors of their natural teeth… And in those moments you could FEEL their love.
How could it be they weren’t in-love? What was I missing?
Well my mom was married at 15, for six months to another man. Upon leaving her first husband for abuse, she was a divorcee with child. In the 40’s this was very taboo. My dad happened to have come home from the war, injured by a grenade, and moved in on her street. “Fat Houle” he was known as by his friends, because he was always a little big. So a marriage of convenience commenced.
They were married for 55+ years out of commitment and covenant. They chose everyday to fulfill their vows, to love, honor and cherish. They did it when they didn’t want to, and when they had to. Divorce wasn’t an option. They chose to put their own needs aside and love another.  
Thats what love is, your own selfishness surrendered to another. It was never about how much one met ‘their’ needs, desires, or how happy they were made. It was how could they serve and help their spouse that day.  
In the end my mom cared for my dad for years as he slowly slipped away from Alzheimer’s. The struggles and battles of a decaying mind were staggering. But she lived for him. She dressed him and fed him and cared for him in his dissolving child state. She loved him with a love that would rival any love story. Why? Because she chose to love. And at that point she couldn’t do anything but love him. They were one soul.
What was their reward? A lifetime of love, security and memories. Commitment kept them together to the end. True love bound them and carried them through the impossible times. Honor wrapped them with a protection of friendship. Respect planted them near waters of strength. They went the distance, by giving themselves to another. Trusting through the hurt that their bonds were unbreakable. 
Their example shows me that even if one gets the joy of falling head over heals, everyday after that, love is a choice. 
Choose to love the one your with, it’s worth it in the end.

While I wait

  
While I wait

A day passes me by
I sit and stare
Sometimes at the sky
While I wait
I lose sight of once was
For that time has moved on
As life so does
While I wait
My skin loosens
My hair greys
My eyes lose their glisten
My soul its play
While I wait
I watch those happy to be content
They choose to engage
They pay life’s rent
While I wait
I clutch the monotony
The worlds feeble gray
Within a foggy symphony
Of doubt
While I wait
My mind comes to me
It speaks again of childhood dreams
And what could be
I listen
I imagine
I move
Why not?
While I wait

Adam Houle

Photo by Adam Houle

The way of the Father

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The way of a Father

He speaks though me
In ways I can and can’t see
He strength lives on in my actions
And his words swim though my speech
He taught me to work and sweat
He taught me to be
He shown me the wind and it’s cautions
And gave me breathe to preach
All this wisdom he freely gave
And His voice still booms from the grave
I smile I’m reminded
He taught me how to twist wire
And dock a sheep
How to tend a fire
My temper to keep
He taught me how to build a house
And how to tear one down
How to treat a spouse
And how to stand my ground
He taught me how to grow my own food
And how to kill it too
He taught me what was rude
And all that was good to do
He taught me of eternity
And to give entirely
Of My body mind and soul
To be a father as he
That’s my goal.
I honor him not on this day alone
But everyday
Because of the seeds he’s sown
They Gave me the way.
The way of a Father.

By Adam Houle 2014

Love depends on it

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Dry.
This season has taken every last drop. Yet it’s seems that an unseen river flows and gives me life to move on. Depression has no rules. It regulates itself. It attacks with a fury. The grey lifts but for moments. But oh those short intricate times! They are sweet and warm. They ease the mind and comfort the soul from the cold barrage of the mundane war.
Each second of most days is a battle for positivity. And I fight. I fight because it will not win. I chose. I chose to live. I chose to fight for those moments of sunshine.The cold ground where I will sleep shall come soon enough.
For now I live. My body is warm. And my heart beats. Love depends on me to show up another day. So I will.
Each morning offers new air pushed by a new breeze, and so I go to explore it’s currents.
Give me life.
I resist the bonds.
Let me find the joy in each moment. Love depends on it.